Thought you would love this...

Dearest Brother Johnson,

For my last post I wanted to thank you for your class this semester. I just came up with the idea after I heard a quote I thought you would love. My older sister, the one who lives in North Carolina, just gave me a call and we were discussing the future and some of the relationships I am in and a quote came to her mind.  She said, "On sunday a man described marriage as 'the art of being in a passionate friendship.' "  It felt like truth to me and since meeting you, I feel like you would feel so too.

That is what life is all about, isn't it?  Allowing God to magnifying the "little" things in life.  A good friend in life can sometimes be considered a little thing, but in reality, they are the biggest things.  And that is all a spouse is, a good friend magnified into something passionate.

I know your class helped me catch a little more of that fire of really living and I say thank you for that.  I hope your summer is great and life continues to be fulfilling.

Sincerely,



Alexis Redd    

So Excited

This term has been super difficult for me.  I moved away from Provo, which is typically my schooling scene, and am living at home alone while being in compacted classes I am very unfamiliar with.  Rough stuff.  Part way through the term I made a very big decision that I am now, finally, getting hyped up for.

I AM GOING TO SPAIN!!!!

I have known for a few months now that my brother in law was going to direct a study abroad there.  They had done an Italy trip a few years back and none of my family made it over to visit them and we all kinda regret it.  I had been thinking seriously about going but knew it was going to take quite the chunk out of my savings. Finally, I prayed about it and did some budgeting and felt the confirmation that I should go...and I am so glad I did.  

Because of school, I haven't gotten that excited or informed on Spain.  I had a small window of beauty pulling me through these final weeks of class but other then that, I haven't embraced the full reality of what is about to happen two weeks from now! 

The siblings I am going with live in North Carolina. They have a little girl who is over a year now and we haven't seen her since Christmas.  Yesterday I received a text from them of Asha, my little niece.  They had been at Lens Crafters getting new glasses when Asha, feeling a little left out, put on a pair of super round framed glasses! When I saw that picture my heart just melted and I just wanted to be with them so bad.  Spain is looking really exciting right about now.  

forget me not

“The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in the pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of everyday moments.  They are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives.  These are they who are truly happy.”

-President Uchtdorf

This excerpt was taken form President Uchtdorf’s “forget me not” speech in Nov. of 2011.  The talk was later published in a beautiful little book, complete with picture and emphasized statements.  It is a gem for sure.

I love how President Uchtdorf has always testified of such foundamental, timeless truths that the world has twisted so effectively they seem too good to be real.  He talks of our infinite worth as children of “the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe!”  He is our Father and He loves us.  How foreign that is to the world today.  I have such a testimony of such truths and do know that the Lord hasn't forgotten us, now we must not forget to live and honor His sacrifice.  

Marinate

I was able to attend a fireside tonight with Jon Bytheway.  It was phenomenal.  He talked about the first day he went on with his wife.  They had decided to do a BBQ up in the mountains here in utah.  He also thought it would be cool to start off by purchasing the food for the BBQ together. Off to the grocery store they went. They picked up some chicken to be the main course and headed up to the spot.  He proceeded to tell us that the chicken he cooked up was some of the best stuff he had ever made! His date, and future wife, pointed out to him that he had purchased marinated chicken. Bishop Bytheway had no idea what that meant. She proceeded to point out to him that the chicken had been soaked in a mixture to enhance its flavor and that is what marinating is.

He likened it back to us by saying, "We are all marinating, whatever you are surrounding yourself with you are becoming."  He shared a quote that states,"Regardless of your original intentions, you become what you surround yourself with."

I loved this metaphor and plan to spend a little bit of time pondering and seeking revelation on what am I marinating in?

Africa

My parents have been doing a humanitarian project in Kenya, Africa.  They are working with a group of farmers and a local dairy to get native milk on the market.  They have been involved for a little over a year now and I was able to accompany them on their first trip last April.

Since then they have been back and forth a few times, this last trip now lasting two months for my mom and my dad signing on for another! I have really missed them.  I knew I was moving home around the end of April and that I was going to be starting summer school up here in Salt Lake.  The two classes registered for, Statistics and Communications in Organizational Settings, were both going to be a challenge for me and I was excited to have my Dad around to help me.  Little did I know that their recent trip flew them out the very day I moved home and wouldn't have them return until days, and now months for my Dad, after my final exams and papers would be turned in.  Comical.

The only correspondence I have had with them is through email.  I am really grateful for email but it lacks physical connection.  The other day I thought I was going to have the opportunity to Skype with them and I realized then how much I missed seeing them and hearing their voices.  Alas, we were unable and I have since thought a little bit more on how much we have to be grateful for.

The reality struck me that we have email, Skype, telephone communication, etc. that allows us access to nearly every corner of the globe, and how phenomenal that is.  And there my parents sit, in Kenya, Africa, with little orphans who have no underwear, no toilet and no bed.  But with big smiles and open hands they greet us!   I remember being so humbled by their gratitude for life, their contentment with their circumstances and their gratitude for any growth at all.  I fell in love with the African people and will forever look to my experiences with them as examples of Christ-like attributes.

My life has been Changed

My mission president loved to incorporate media into our zone conferences.  He was always prepared with a large projector screen and speakers in order to create the optimal atmosphere, to catch the Spirit of the message.  He typically did a great job at it too.

Smaller meetings were held all over the mission. From district meetings to leadership councils, groups of missionaries would gather together to hear the good word and determine how to share it more effectively with others. One such meeting was retold by a sister missionary I was close to.

She was in the leadership of the mission and was able to meet with President and the other leaders every transfer in leadership council.  Later she told me of the experience she had had while in their meeting. President had showed them this mormon message and the Spirit had been so strong that the whole room had been changed.  One of the other sisters asked, in humility, "Is this how Heaven will feel?"

The zone conference following this story, President showed us this same clip.  My life too has forever been changed. This message defines the mission experience, the lowest of lows we feel and the redeeming highs that come only in and through the Savior of the World, Jesus Christ, as we strive to help His children home.

I hope it means the same to whomever else is privileged to watch it.  I love my Savior. My Lord. My God.  He is my hope in the future and my gratitude for the present.  My life I willingly give to Him, as He has done for me.

"Oh how sweet the sentence is, I know that my Redeemer lives."

Group Projects

Recently my family has been going through some rough changes.  I am the only single child left out of seven children, this has left a lot of time for observations of married couples on my part.  I have come to realize just how hard relationships are to maintain and manage.  I have been grateful to gain this perspective and to recognize some great things that have been done and some not so great things that I hope not to do.

Right after my mission, I was about to move back down to Provo and wasn't really looking forward to it.  I had signed myself up to live in an apartment of six girls with two bedrooms.  My employment was a girl's group home consisting of 9-12 girls at any given time.  I felt a little overwhelmed and was expressing my feelings to my sisters.  One of my older sisters, who had never moved out prior to marriage, said to me, "You are so lucky to be getting the experiences you are.  This is going to help prepare you for marriage, something that I never had."

I didn't want to think she was right but the older I get the more I believe she is.

And so it ties into group projects. What a blessing it is to work in groups, to brainstorm and communicate through an assignment as a group of strangers and to complete a final project as a unit.  I have been so impressed with the roles we take as group members and how we fulfill them.  One realization, that has rung true before and was reconfirmed through this group project, is that there is no one perfect prototype of a group member. It takes variety and all types of personalities to make a group function.  Our group consisted of just that, the perfect balance of leaders and followers to make the project progress with success.

I am grateful for all of these opportunities that continue to enrich the present and prepare me for the future.

A Morning of Creepy Critters

The other morning I had an adventure with my cats...

This morning I had a run in with a giant bee. Inside my house. Stuck in a spider's web. One such spider that had caused me grief two days prior.  Why is this happening to me?

Last Thursday I spotted a huge, nasty spider in a window of my house.  Since my mission I have become very sensitive to the preservation of life and I struggle killing anything.  I really wanted to catch the spider and put it outside, but had a feeling that it would just find its way back in again.  I contemplated what I was going to do when I lost the thing.  Taking that as a sign from Heavenly Father, I went back to my studies and forgot about him.  The next day I spotted him in a window adjacent to his origin.  Realizing how big and gross he was, I knew I needed to get him out of the house.

I finally got the nerve to catch him in a cup.  There he sat for two more days as I weighed my options, and life got busy and I kind of forgot.  I was torn about his future though and knew that most people would find me crazy for even considering his life, and that was the caused my hang up. I was too worried about what others would do in this situation rather then just doing what I would do.  I wanted him to live so I finally took him outside to the fence-line and let him go.  I felt good with my decision afterwards.

This morning, I left the door open for a few minutes and in flies a big bee! My mom has flower printed couches and they drew the poor thing right in.  It flew around for a moment while I nervously circled, hoping to persuade it out but to no avail.  It finally settled in the same window the spider had last resided. And there it found his web...

He was stuck for a moment but has since freed himself and hopefully I can usher him outside soon enough.

Through these experiences, I was shocked with my inability to make a decision because of my worry of what others would do.  I was scared to be foolish and wanted to make the right decision to "solve" my problem.  I realized how influenced I am by the desire to be right and smart in the eyes of the world.  My new resolve, to worry less about that and focus more on how I want to live my life and clear that path with God.

a morning of Cats

We have two cats at our house. A mother, Gracie, and her daughter, Cleopatra.  We got Gracie while I was in high school and she had Cleopatra shortly after.  I have never been that close to either of them.  They live outside and I have always felt like cats are too selfish for me to connect with, thus we have remained mere acquaintances.  

Today I ate my breakfast out of the patio and both of them were nearby.  Creopatch, that is one of her nicknames, was really interested in my bowl of cereal.  She roamed around my little table, swishing her tail back and forth, occasionally placing her two front paws on the edge to get a better look.  She is a very beautiful cat, with a coat of brown and black and a small, pleasant face combine to create a pleasing affect.  

Her mother, Gracie, is black and white and extremely stunning. They are both elegant creatures.  The children in the neighborhood love them and the cats treat them very well. 

We have never been a family big on cats but they have become part of us. My Dad loves their sleek, clever ways. Sometimes we get caught just watching them scale the fence or cascade down the rose bush trellis.   

Dogs have always been my thing but I am starting to think twice about cats.  I am not quite sure how to connect with them more, but I am excited to watch out for them as if I love them.  We'll see how the rest of the summer goes.  

Humility

I quoted this song earlier in my blog. Apparently I can't get enough of it.

I have some family members going through some rough times right now.  My parents are away on a business trip until the middle of June.  It has been difficult to determine what we are suppose to do, as a family, to help each other get through this.  This song always brings me hope in the Savior, for He truly knows our plight.

I titled this post humility because of the beauty in the word in situations like these.  Humility always comes to me in trying times and it presents itself to be taken.  I have started a fast this day to allow its entrance into my heart.

In my personal studies I have been reading about King Benjamin.  Since my youth, I have loved King Benjamin and his humility.  He speaks ultimate truth about our standing before God and I have always turned to it for hope.  Humility is the great antidote for fear and uncertainty and I need large quantities of it now.

My mission president defined humility as, "not thinking less of yourself, but thinking about yourself less."  I have really been trying to do that lately, not think about what I need most but what others need most.  Finding the balance of thinking of others and being a crutch to them has been a great struggle for me most of my life. I know that the greater I apply these principles, the more I will be able to help those around me the way the Savior would have me.

Mother's Day

As I considered Mothers on this day to celebrate them, I thought of all the Mother’s in my life…

• My Mom- raised us humbly. A clean hand and pure heart.
• My sisters- Liz and Alli making us mac n cheese and Alli getting burned.  They sacrificed some of their childhood for me. 
• My Grandma Parkin- Olivia caught swearing on the playground and me tattletaling. Grandma pulling her aside and asking Olivia if she wanted to end up like her?  If not, she needed to stop with the bad language.
• Elaine Engstrum- taught me the missionary lessons as an eight year old and became one of my best friends.  Wrote me my whole mission, sent me referrals of people who lived in California. She loved life, every moment of it. Up until the day she passed away, she welcomed me into her heart fully.

What I came to realize this morning is that mother is synonymous with woman.  In Moses 4:26 it describes Eve’s name as the, “mother of all living.”  She was the first woman and the first mother.  Each of the women mentioned above have, in their own way, been a mother to me.  I hope to one day be like them. 

In the book, “Daughters in My Kingdom,” there is a quote I came across that I feel like describes mothers,

A Place of Refuge pg. 86

           " Since the early days of Relief Society, sisters have provided a place of refuge-a place of healing, love, kindness, care, and belonging. In Nauvoo, sisters found refuge in Relief Society as they relied on each others’ faith and skills and as they shared food and clothing.  This continued as they crossed the plains and as they established themselves in the Utah Territory. Now, as they Church grows throughout the world, sisters continue to find refuge in Relief Society." 

Mother’s and women provide a place of refuge. A place of healing, love, kindness, care, and belonging.

I recently worked at a girl’s group home in provo.  One of my favorite girls was a Native American girl who came from a family of ten children, her mother was 32 years old.  Her mother was in trouble with the law, which left her ten children spread out across Utah in various detention centers and foster care.  This little girl had broken down one day and cried about the reality of not having a mother who wanted the best for her. I realized then, how ungrateful I had been about my loving and encouraging mother, who had always accepted me for who I was but inspired me to be better then I thought I could be.  I tried to be, in some small way, a mother to this little girl. Help her see that I believed in a bigger and better future for her. 

With this same Native, and a few others who lived at the group home, I was able to go to a Cultural event at UVSC for Native American students.  At this event, the speaker talked on the importance of family and of education.  I loved what he was saying and was scrambling to write some of his words down on any scrap of paper I could find in my purse.  The girls who had gone with me had been given a big folder full of information and suddenly this girl hands me a paper from her folder.  She had seen me struggling and had filled my need. She was a mother to me in that moment. 

The speaker had said, “I heard someone say that their mom was their hero. I thought it cliché.  But not anymore. The parents should be their children’s heroes.  That shoe should fit.  What a beautiful thing to be so connected to a person and to still look up to them as you see every moment of their life, how they live each moment of their day.”

I loved that and it is exactly how I feel about my mom. 

So…What now? What does this have to do with enduring to the end? Motherhood is interwoven with faith, repentance and receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost. My older sister had her first baby and suffered from postpartum depression.  I think part of it had to do with feelings of inadequacy as she held this baby and realized what motherhood meant for her.  She exercised great faith, repented and received the Holy Ghost to be healed and whole. Mothers must trust that God has called each of us as women and He will, and has, qualified us for the work. 

Daughters in My Kingdom

“You are chosen to be faithful women of God in our day, to stand above pettiness, gossip, selfishness, lewdness, and all other forms of ungodliness. Recognize your divine birthright as daughters of our Heavenly Father.”

                                  -Howard W. Hunter

I met a girl who prided herself in her "feminine" ways.  She was delicate and proper and  knelt flat rather then up on her knees when we would pray together.  She often commented on the different masculine attributes in us as her roommates.  Once she made the comment about having just done the most masculine thing in her life.  She was appalled by her action. 

As I thought about the pride she had in her femininity, I thought how sincerely unfeminine I saw her.  

I believe that feminine women are those who love unconditionally, support and strengthen, build and not tear down those around them.  They are women who think more of others then of themselves, who listen with a trained ear to the cries of the wounded, and seek for their relief.  Feminine women are women of God, they have His tender hands and healing heart and they provide stability and confidence in their role as women in a world so void of such attributes. 

I have been reading "Daughters in My Kingdom" and I feel like such truths about womanhood are testified of within its pages. Below is a quote that seems to sum up my feelings on the mission of women in the Church, 

“Ours is a healing mission requiring the larger heart, the kindlier touch, the steadier will.”

                                 

                                   -General Relief Society Presidency, 1947

I am grateful for such a mission. I hope to fulfill its purposes in my quest for womanhood! 

Peace

I have been reading the Hunger Games. They have really been trying for me.

I am a Recreational Therapist and through my study in that field I have had my eyes open to some of the realities of life. That, too, has been trying for me.

I was able to work at a girl's group home for the last eight months.  A conclusion of trying events that all connect back to the hard lives some of our brothers and sisters are asked to live and what we do in the meantime to help them?

With each event in my life I feel like I have found solace, some peace for their future. Peace for mine.  But with each new set of people I come to love I fall into the same sadness, "Why must they suffer so? What can I do to relieve them of such suffering and secure their future? How can I help?"

Personal scripture study this morning allowed me a glimpse into the reality of the Lord's plans for all of His children.  In Enos, the Atonement is testified in full, it covers us and makes us whole and the Lord will reach His children who are reaching for Him.  Enos 1:17, "And I, Enos, knew it would be according to the covenant which he had made; wherefore my soul did rest."  He has promised us to watch over us! He is watching over those who suffer and He will fulfill them if they so choose.

In the song, "Savior, Redeemer of my soul" it states,

"Savior, Redeemer of my soul. 

Whose mighty hand hath made me whole. 

Whose wonderous power hath raised me up, 

and filled with sweet 

My bitter cup."

Of Greatest Use...

I have never been much of a writer.  I keep a journal, 
started it because we are suppose to and it turned into 
a necessary in order to maintain my sanity.  I suppose
 that is how all things we are "suppose to do" turn out
 to be, necessary little steps for happiness and peace.  
Scripture reading, daily prayers, church attendance and 
journal keeping...and so this blog begins. 


I pondered on a few options for the theme of this blog and came down to the realities of my current situation in life and wanted to connect it so that it will be of the greatest use to me. I am single. Living at home. A student. And struggling to find peace and direction with the small day to day decisions I make.  I say small and some may criticize that we aren't suppose to seek guidance on everything we do in life, but these small decsions have caused great anxst for me as of late.  I hoped to create this blog to help me in my quest for the Spirit, so I can find the peace that I seek. 


Interesting, as I write I think of the reality of what I have just written. We aren't to be guided in every thought, action and decision. We are left to determine what we think the Savior would do in the situation and then do it. (Already this blog is being of great use to me!) 


I was talking to my sisters about my situation and they said I have got to trust that the Spirit will guide me on what to do. I need to add my testimony to that by the things I have learned just now and say, "And if He doesn't, trust that He knows you'll seek to choose the right and you will be guided, if necessary, to the right decsion if you haven't found it."  

Peace. Hope. Light.  Testifiers of truth.  Truth that I feel. 
I will seek after these things.